Outerhope – Twenty Years All the stories we haven’t written Planes are circling in the distance Wondering what’s in tomorrow’s paper I’ll be certain if you could write the pages of our stars
I’m writing this exactly a day before I earn another year. And it has made me wonder, in those twenty plus years, what have I been doing with my life? What am I doing now? What will I be doing with my life?
And as always, things are very blurry. Because however you tediously plan your life, how much structure and order you try to follow, entropy will increase and increase because it simply can. And that is something that we cannot control and can never will.
What can we do about it? We’d only be certain if, as the song said, we write the pages of our stars. Because no matter what life throws at us, in the end it would be us who would be writing the pages of our stories.
So here’s to another year, which I dedicate to myself, the past, the present, and the future.
This evening I found myself listening to different tracks by The Temper Trap. Well particularly the one linked above, which has been on loop for the past few minutes now. While overdosing in the rich layers of guitar-work intertwined with the simple, repetitive, but deeply touching lyrics, I couldn’t help but feel something inside. And this prompted me to write what I felt as a Facebook status.
This song is full of happiness. Of warmth. Of being content. Of being in the moment.
How else can I describe his song? It’s like feeling busog.
It was then that I realized that just by posting it as a status, it was actually against what I was feeling at that time. Just by sharing the link and typing a few words, I did not at all feel busog. And then that feeling prompted me to tweet.
Sometimes I miss my artsy side. That’s why I love going out for videoke.
Yet tweeting still did not feel as if I was busog. It was not at all fulfilling. It felt cheap. It felt like I was cheating myself.
The song always made me feel a whole lot of different emotions. It fired up a lof of memories. It reminded me of Cubao. It reminded me of a kiss. It reminded me of a broken heart. It reminded me of awkwardness. It reminded me of beginnings. It reminded me of you. It reminded me of being busog. And I was acknowledging that just by posting it as a status or a tweet?
And that’s when it struck me. I haven’t really been being me all this time. Looking back in the near past, it seems that I haven’t been putting much effort and investment in myself. I have been focusing too much in trying to save the world, in trying to make a change, that I have ended up letting my personal growth go stagnant.
Have I abandoned myself?
Judging from the near past, it seems so.
I used to be elaborate. I used to find color in the simplest of things. I used to write about it. I used to write about how I felt. I used to sing about how I felt.
Yet now things have been reduced to the cheap status messages, links to other posts, quick and easy photos, reblogs and tweets.
So what now?
Having realized all of these, I have resolved to reviving former myself. I’ll try getting back into getting creative. Into running, perhaps. Into writing, definitely. And I’ll start by reviving this blog.
Because I won’t stop until it’s over, I wont stop to surrender.
“Happiness is like the old man told me, ‘look for it, but you’ll never find it all. But let it go, live your life and leave it. Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home home, home, home.’”
- The Fray – Happiness
“Cheer up cheer up, don’t be blue.
Don’t forget it’s hometime soon.
We’ll make it through another working day.”
- Scouting for Girls – I Need A Holiday
Just like what I said in a previous entry, to get by, look forward to something!
And definitely, weekends are always something looking forward to.
We all deserve to take a few breaks every now and then, and weekends give us the perfect opportunity to enjoy a few moments to just sit back, and relax.
“Calm down, deep breaths. And get yourself dressed instead of running around and pulling all your threads and breaking yourself up.”
- Jason Mraz and James Morrison – Details in the Fabric
Learn to calm down and to take deep breaths. Don’t worry too much. Don’t become too jittery and too jumpy.
Maintain your balance.
Focus.
Smile.
And everything will be fine.
—
Sor far, all this positivity has been working. I’ve been battered by many requirements and broken promises, but I’ve always been able to maintain a smile.
Yes, sometimes there’s still some of that everyday drama, but then the drama fades away very quickly.
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars wont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it’s broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I’m choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I’m soaked
Soaked to the skin
It’s the end where I begin
It’s the end where I begin
Sometimes we don’t learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we’ve no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it’s broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I’m choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I’m soaked
Soaked to the skin
It’s the end where I begin
It’s the end where I begin
Now I’m alive
and my ghosts are gone
I’ve shed all the pain
I’ve been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
Now I’m alive
and my ghosts are gone
I’ve shed all the pain
I’ve been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
Now I’m alive
and my ghosts are gone
I’ve shed all the pain
I’ve been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
What don’t kill a heart
Only makes it strong
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars dont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it’s broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I’m choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I’m soaked
Soaked to the skin
It’s the end
End where I begin
It’s the end
End where I begin
Sometimes we don’t learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we’ve no choice but to walk away, away
(Photo credits: Sam Lee, Judd Figuerres. Poster credit: Picoy Cruz)
Fuzz has been nominated in the BEST COLLEGE BAND category in this year’s NU ROCK AWARDS.
Guys, boto naman natin sila.
Voting’s easy! Just log on to http://www.nu107fm.com and follow the registration procedures. Kering-keri ang pagboto. Ilang click lang at ilang type, tas ilang click, tapos na.
Voting ends on Oct 26, 2008. So tara na, let’s vote!
I’ve never really been good at dealing with losing people.
I can clearly remember recently telling some of my friends that the thing I fear most is to lose people so dear to me. I even blogged about some serious senti stuff two years ago (yes, it was that serious I was cursing).
