Category Archives: Personal

Another Year

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Outerhope – Twenty Years
All the stories we haven’t written
Planes are circling in the distance
Wondering what’s in tomorrow’s paper
I’ll be certain if you could write the pages of our stars

I’m writing this exactly a day before I earn another year. And it has made me wonder, in those twenty plus years, what have I been doing with my life? What am I doing now? What will I be doing with my life?

And as always, things are very blurry. Because however you tediously plan your life, how much structure and order you try to follow, entropy will increase and increase because it simply can. And that is something that we cannot control and can never will.

What can we do about it? We’d only be certain if, as the song said, we write the pages of our stars. Because no matter what life throws at us, in the end it would be us who would be writing the pages of our stories.

So here’s to another year, which I dedicate to myself, the past, the present, and the future. :)

Won’t Stop ‘Til It’s Over.

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This evening I found myself listening to different tracks by The Temper Trap. Well particularly the one linked above, which has been on loop for the past few minutes now. While overdosing in the rich layers of guitar-work intertwined with the simple, repetitive, but deeply touching lyrics, I couldn’t help but feel something inside. And this prompted me to write what I felt as a Facebook status.

This song is full of happiness. Of warmth. Of being content. Of being in the moment.

How else can I describe his song? It’s like feeling busog.

It was then that I realized that just by posting it as a status, it was actually against what I was feeling at that time. Just by sharing the link and typing a few words, I did not at all feel busog. And then that feeling prompted me to tweet.

Sometimes I miss my artsy side. That’s why I love going out for videoke.

Yet tweeting still did not feel as if I was busog. It was not at all fulfilling. It felt cheap. It felt like I was cheating myself.

The song always made me feel a whole lot of  different emotions. It fired up a lof of memories. It reminded me of Cubao. It reminded me of a kiss. It reminded me of a broken heart. It reminded me of awkwardness. It reminded me of beginnings. It reminded me of you. It reminded me of being busog. And I was acknowledging that just by posting it as a status or a tweet?

And that’s when it struck me. I haven’t really been being me all this time. Looking back in the near past, it seems that I haven’t been putting much effort and investment in myself. I have been focusing too much in trying to save the world, in trying to make a change, that I have ended up letting my personal growth go stagnant.

Have I abandoned myself?

Judging from the near past, it seems so.

I used to be elaborate. I used to find color in the simplest of things. I used to write about it. I used to write about how I felt. I used to sing about how I felt.

Yet now things have been reduced to the cheap status messages, links to other posts, quick and easy photos, reblogs and tweets.

So what now?

Having realized all of these, I have resolved to reviving former myself.  I’ll try getting back into getting creative. Into running, perhaps. Into writing, definitely. And I’ll start by reviving this blog.

Because I won’t stop until it’s over, I wont stop to surrender. :)

Running Towards 2010

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PANIMULA
I initially found it hard to start writing my year 2009 entry. Back then, I’ve had the comfort of just going through my blog archives and then basing my year end entry from there.

But last 2009, I barely had 4 pages of blog entries, most of them song lyrics, works of fiction and works of positivity. And looking through my Multiply blog, what I found were tons of nerdy chem/love entries written for summer chem survival

Then again, these entries were written with a purpose. I’m the type of guy who finds it easier to put his feelings in song or literature, rather than discuss it openly with someone else (you need to drown me in alcohol for that).

So here goes…

JANUARY
Halfway through January, I was still reminiscing about 2008, 2008 has been such a twisted year (sinusoidal in fact) so it was just too hard to forget about.

So I started channeling my mind to different thoughts such as…

FEBRUARY
…finally having crushes. Yes, the disclaimer in that entry wasn’t true. I had a crush back then but now I refuse to acknowledge who it was. Hehehe. It was kind of a different experience finally celebrating Valentine’s day without someone special. I was with a few friends, and we almost died in LoveRage’s rampage. HAHAHA. We were stuck in UP until morning came. Hahahaha. Grabe lang.

MARCH
Come March I finally was a member to a great distraction from all that single-ness. I finally started working with people I love, and of course, laboratory work started pouring it. It was time to get a little serious for a while until summer came.

APRIL
But then again, work had to take a back seat for a while to help me catch up with all my lost academic units. After I turned 21, I enrolled for summer classes which changed my outlook in life. I met new good friends, bonded with some old, and was exposed to the idea of giving just to make other people special.

My sweetness was then brought to a new level.

I fell in crush with someone who was already taken. For a while, to be honest, that was one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had. That is when I totally learned that I should always give without expecting back. And that felt good.

Finally, April, I almost died from panic hahahaha

MAY

http://baracoma.multiply.com/journal/item/227/Ksp

http://baracoma.multiply.com/journal/item/229/Frost_Diagrams

http://baracoma.multiply.com/journal/item/230/Electrolytic_Cells.

I started to have fun with my summer subject. Just to help me get through, I started writing all these chem/love entries.

I also developed the uncertainty principle of love

And finally, I wrote the entry that I believed would help me move on from a previous relationship. Yes, my analogy for moving on has always been walking.

To move on is to keep walking until you bump into someone else. <3

JUNE
June was the start of the crazy weather. So I used this opportunity to write about a previous romantic experience. And it was in June when I started to spend a lot of my internet time on Facebook. By the end of this month, I started my positivity phase.

JULY

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/free-energy/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/an-island-of-reality-in-an-ocean-of-diarrhea/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/you-might-regret-what-you-let-slip-away/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/stay-put/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/working-everyday-for-the-weekend/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/no-day-but-today/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/happiness-is/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/enough-is-enough/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/its-not-just-another-four-letter-word/

This month was the month of positivity. I started writing multitudes of entries about my beliefs, hoping to share all the love and positivity I had to all my friends. I even wrote compact versions of these entries as SMSes to send to people each morning. It was a good month. Every morning I had a smile on my face.

AUGUST
August was actually uneventful, until I realized that I’ve finally moved on and have already been enjoying my single life for a while.

SEPTEMBER
This was a crazy month. We spent most of the time trying to look for a new house to move to. When we found one, disaster struck. Ondoy happened, and we had to move to our new house earlier than planned, as the oldness and termites of our previous house allowed water to seep through all over.

Also, September marked the start of me writing entries I Wrote This for You style: like with the pictures, the fewest possible words, but the greatest emotion (for example).

OCTOBER

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/a-twist-in-my-story/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/the-probability-of-you-and-me/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/ad-infinitum/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/a-million-minutes-or-less/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/over-the-squares-of-our-distances/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/what-keeps-us-alive/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/connect-the-dots/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/the-implosion-of-sound/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/resisting-the-resistance/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/the-tainted/

http://ba.racoma.com.ph/archives/and-then-you-stood-out-from-the-crowd/

I wrote a burst of entries during October. Each of them, having their own significance, some, out of wala lang. You can ask me to decipher them for you. Just tell me which ones you want to know about, and I’ll see what I can tell you. :)

In this month, I was also able to take one of my first steps in being a Filipino scientist. I was finally (albeit excruciatingly) able to deliver a talk in an SPP Congress, much thanks to my dear adviser Ma’am Jing and teammates Cindy, Art, Millie, Ralph and sir Jeff.

And yes, the latter parts of this month was just too lovely. I got to know my physics friends better through work, alcohol and conversations under the Tagaytay night skies. October also marked the start of a few beer nights with Ephy. Yes. A broken heart copes better when paired with another broken heart.

NOVEMBER
I don’t know why, but November felt like I started a new chapter in my life.

This month I started going out more: eating with friends, drinking with friends, etc etc. Hahahaha.

Also this month I noticed that some friendships were being strained and tested. Harsh much. Hirap makipagplastikan. Hindi pa naman ako ganung klaseng tao

It was November when I finally decided that I’ve really fallen out of crush with a certain someone. :)

And finally, I caught the mega-flu late November. Hahaha.

DECEMBER
No blog entries here. But lots of photos. So, ililink ko na lang yung iba

NIP Choir days <3

VIP Karaoke night <3

Crazy afternoon bondings and evening dinners with ate Lot (sige na nga, with Kaye and ate Nic na rin)

More drunken nights with Ephy and Pat (Antipolo Skies! Woot!)

And some more emotional matters of the heart which I’d rather not talk about here.

Yes, December has been extremely fun and crazy. I guess, it’s a good end to the crazy year 2009 has been.

RIGHT NOW
Right now, I’m optimistic about 2010. A crazy year has passed, and crazier years will come. And I realized that I’m not growing younger, and I won’t be. One more final school year, and I’ll be entering the adult world. So I guess it’s time for me to really start growing up and start acting my age.

NEXT YEAR
Yes, 2010. You will be bringing a lot of changes in my life. But just so you know, I won’t be walking towards you, I’ll be running.

I’ll be running towards you, 2010. Running: it’s like moving on, but much much more exciting.

Wag mo kong dadapain ha. :)

Happy new year everybody. <3

I Really Want You

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This James Blunt song was stuck in my head all morning..

I really want you to really want me
But I really don’t know if you can do that
I know you want to know what’s right
But I know it’s so hard for you to do that
And time’s running out as often it does
And often dictates if you can’t do that
But fate can’t break this feeling inside
That’s burning up through my veins

I really want you
I really want you
I really want you now

No matter what I say or do
The message isn’t getting through
And you’re listening to the sound
of my breaking heart

Yes, I had my heart broken too many times in the past year because I wanted something I really can’t get right now.

Guess what Kuya Jess told me?

Psalm 37:4

Do what the LORD wants, and He will give you your heart’s desire.

Yes Lord. :)

You Were Not the Same After That

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Ben Folds – Not the Same

You took a trip and climbed a tree
At Robert Sledge’s party
And there you stayed ’till morning came
And you were not the same after that

You gave your life to Jesus Christ
And after all your friends went home
You came down, you looked around
And you were not the same after that

(Ahhh ahhh)
You were not the same after that
(Ahhh ahhh)
You were not the same after that

You see ‘em drop like flies from the bright sunny skies
They come knocking at your door with this look in their eyes
You’ve got one good trick and you’re hanging on you’re hanging on…
To it

You took the Word and made it heard
And eased the people’s pain and for that
You were idolised, immortalised
And you were not the same after that

Walking tall, you’d bought it all
And you were not the same after that
Till someone died on the waterslide
And you were not the same after that

You see ‘em drop like flies from the bright sunny skies
They come knocking at your door with this look in their eyes
You’ve got one good trick and you’re hanging on you’re hanging on to it

(ooh ooh ooh ooh)
(You were not the same)
(ooh ooh ooh ooh)

You see ‘em drop like flies from the bright sunny skies
They come knocking at your door with this look in their eyes
You’ve got one good trick and you’re hanging on
You’re hanging on

You’re hanging on
You’re hanging on

Everybody Knows It Hurts To Grow Up

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Ben Folds – Still Fighting It 

Good morning, son.
I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke?
Maybe some fries?
The roast beef combo’s only $9.95
It’s okay, you don’t have to pay
I’ve got all the change

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry

Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we’ll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you ’bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
You’ll try and try and one day you’ll fly
Away from me

Good morning, son
I am a bird

It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things

Everybody knows
Tt hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
Oh, we’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it

And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry